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[Feb. 9th, 2010|02:52 pm] |
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| |  calm | ] |
"there is pleasure in the pathless woods;
there is rapture on the lonely shore;
there is society, where none intrudes,
by the deep sea, and music in its roar:
i love not man the less, but nature more"
Once I cracked every single vertebrae in my spine all the way up my neck. Was one of the best moments of my life.
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2010|09:09 am] |
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| |  bored | ] |
I didn't get to go to my favorite fabric store today. sadface. It's more like a warehouse with tons of fabric bolts. I could get killed and stored there. No one would notice. Stupid snow. I have plywood all ready today and was going to start on the base. stupid headboard's going to take me forever to complete.
Favorite type of snow this morning! but unfortunately it's the kind that turns all gross within an hour. |
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| Now that I'm calm and rational...ish. |
[Feb. 7th, 2010|07:00 pm] |
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| |  good | ] |
1. Dad says I should spend my tax money smartly. Like dying my hair and buying a new camera isn't smart. Btw...I think I'm going to end up doing it? MAYBE. We'll see on Wednesday. I had a covenant with my hair, after I went blond (and streaky) when I was 11. Never again, I said. And then rarely colored it. Except, the time I got pink in my hair. WHY?! So now that the color's all natural, I decide to do this. Urg. Something's wrong with me. I really hate maintaining my hair except just to make sure it's shiny and semi healthy.
2. Watching biggest loser. Scary how we can weigh as much as a hippo.
3. Balmain seriously has the sweetest leather skirt. If only I had thousands of dollars at my disposal. |
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| When I met you, I didn't know what to do. |
[Feb. 6th, 2010|08:18 pm] |
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| |  impressed | ] |
I finally had that talk with my parents. I was crying the whole time. Never the bawling kind. I'll just summarize since I'm not inspired to write today. I wasn't even sad. My eyes just leaked.
Parents: you need to choose a path cause you're not going to be able to stay in school forever.
Me: yes.
Basically, I need to decide. I hate being indecisive. It's like a huge pet peeve of mine. I don't think that I am wandering aimlessly. Ah.
Today, everything simple was amazingly beautiful for me. It was so weird. Like I was drinking water and then a drop flew out and landed on fabric. I watched it blossom and thought "life is so beautiful". I never had this feeling before. Well, about small things
One of my mom's work buddy had nutrition problems cause she was basically anorexic.
That, my friends, are the begining steps of a snake wrapped around a sword. I found it on the interweb. Which means my stick dragon was going to blossom into a vicious dragon but stopped cause it didn't want to hurt anyone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|09:21 pm] |
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| |  giddy | ] |
1. Aly: since I passed out yesterday and never responded to your text, I am available next weekend and by "next weekend", I mean only saturday and I don't know for sure. I would love going to a bookstore cause I need books and that is something you would enjoy also. PLUS, you would get to see my new hair. Given that I don't chicken out the last moment.
2. Would you guys still be friends with me if I was indecisive and meek? Cause I wouldn't. I'd be like "FUCKING MAKE UP YOUR MIND" to myself. and then sacrifice myself to a Vietnamese god.
3. I would enjoy a tv show based on my family.
Alex: what's jagermeister?
Phil: You know in a fairytale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and the guys kiss her? Well, it this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle. You wake up in a frat house with a damaged reputation. |
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| Why The Hell is it so easy to judge badly? |
[Feb. 3rd, 2010|05:37 pm] |
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| |  happy | ] |
No one looks at a stranger and goes "Hey, I think he'd be really good singing Mickey Mouse's theme song" or "I bet she could make a killer origami swan". Or at least not a majority of people. Why is it easy to jump to nasty conclusions? I'll admit I've done this almost all the time. One time at Stitch it (yes, I have no life so I work and go to school. Please STFU about it) an Indian guy comes in. I say Indian cause he looked like one. My bad if you're Pakistani-an. Anyways, He's acting all shady. One hand in his pocket and that's pointed towards me. He's first in line, but allows three people to go ahead of him.
I'm thinking, "please don't kill me. There's only 100 dollars in the cash register". Turns out, he's ashamed of asking for freebies in front of other people. His hat patch thing had ripped and he asked us to fix it free of charge. Of course, mentioning that he's bought 300 dollar jeans in ALLL THE TIME for us to hem. STFU. GTFO. Who needs a True Religion logo put back on their hat? Apparently, someone who could spend 300 hundred on jeans and not give us 2 dollars to fix the patch. Cause he brings his biznatch in all the time. I've never seen him before. Maybe cause I only work three days. But those are the days that there is the most traffic in our store.
Anyways, back to the topic. I'll try not to judge people and label them cause I'm like the next Mother Theresa. I'll give people the benefit of the doubt because I'm an ok person. I'll try because I would like to see other people not judge me. Judging and labeling hurts, ok? Hurts me a lot sometimes. More than I'd care to admit. |
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| Josh Beech |
[Feb. 3rd, 2010|08:27 am] |
1.
not benji. sorry for the mistake, melanie |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2010|07:40 pm] |
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| |  determined | ] |
"The larger issue, the one that sends me to the dictionary of philosophy, if I had one, is the idea of acting like myself. Where do my hands go when I'm myself? Are they in my pockets? I frankly can't remember. I have a tough time just being myself, you know, at parties and such. I start talking to someone and suddenly I know I am no longer myself, that some other self has taken over."
I'm so scared. This whole application process scares me so much. What if they don't accept me? Where would I go from here? The moment you decide to start over, starting anew is one of the most frightening things that could happen to me. I'd be studying something I love , though. To live it everyday instead of the bleak experience of attempting to be someone else.
I don't know if you guys get the whole Asian family culture thing. Basically, it's like a functioning group with members supporting each (which is the ideal, but rarely happens). Parents are on top of the hierarchy, then relatives, then eldest in family and the youngsters. Tis the role of the parents to take care of the kids, then the eldest has the responsibility of taking care of the younger generation. I've lived this (cause I'm of Asian descent) so it's not puzzling for me to buy things for my younger brothers and tutor them and so on. More often than not, I act more like a parent than a sister. I'm like 7 years older than Shalom and 12 years older than Ephie.
Values
The predominant Asian values pertaining to family, harmony, education, and selected virtues offer fundamental guidelines for living.
The family is the basic unit of society and the central focus of the individual’s life.
Harmony is the keynote of existence.
Successful academic achievement is the greatest tribute one can bestow on one’s parents and family.
Virtues such as patience, perseverance, self-sacrifice, maintenance of inner strength, self-restraint, modesty, and humility are each considered necessary expressions of dignity that promote the group welfare. (not that I possess most, if any on this list. Kim = arrogance) |
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| I'm sure everything will be "ok", but I prefer it to be awesome! |
[Jan. 31st, 2010|05:51 pm] |
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| |  annoyed | ] |
Today I went to work sans make up and yesterday's hair. Sometimes I feel so utterly unattractive. My life's gotten to be so mediocere. I look forward to the day that I wash my hair with shampoo. Trying the whole every other day shampoo and everyday condition. Cause my hair is super dry from the perm. I miss my glossy Asian straight hair. I made my brother cry today. Shalom, not Ephrem. So that kind threw it out of whack.
My Grandma is over. I can say that I hate my extended family with the intensity of sea snake poison. She's the one that said that I was "lazy" at teaching Phillip. Now she's over here complaining about my aunt telling my biological grandma that she just watches TV all day. God.
I'm excited about getting to decorate the house. My room's kinda done. Needs more Velvet and that skull to come in. I'm going for a modern feel with kick ass. If anyone gets that... For my parents room, I'm thinking more of a romantic setting. *ignore how awkward that was for me to type*. Modern and simple for the kitchen. Of course, I have to replace the kitchen chairs' seats with velvet. Little brothers' room = clean and simple. I'm excited to go buy stuff. I've a ton of ideas. I need three large mirrors in frames to make a table for the living room. Spray paint gold, yes. Kick ass right? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2010|10:03 am] |
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| |  embarrassed | ] |
So vertigo is gone and what has come instead? FUCKING pimples. Three of them. God, this is worse then the time I developed eczema. |
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| Things I lost in the fire |
[Jan. 30th, 2010|06:19 pm] |
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| |  nerdy | ] |
How well do you guys know me? Like really know me? What's my favorite color? What do I do for fun? How do I relieve my stress. What do I believe in?
I like to think that I'm not a mystery. I like to wear what I feel cause if I bottle it up, I'd just implode and create a new galaxy. Right? That's how the big bang was, right? If not then, I'm Catholic. God created it in 7 days. Maybe this year I'll try to be more mysterious.
Me: baby, how do you know that you are loved?
Ephrem: When I get fed.
Apparently, the food thing is genetic.
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| Things are not the same |
[Jan. 30th, 2010|08:48 am] |
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| |  bouncy | ] |
The parents and I are planning to have a talk. I think I want to go out to like a restaurant to do it. You all know how I love crying in public. It's pretty cool that when we want to talk to each other, we actually do it. I don't think that I keep anything from them. Except the whole questionable virginity and the drinking sometimes. I feel so mature always.
I'm excited to talk about my new major. All I do is think about fashion all the time. I get more inspired looking at it, then learning about how action potential affects a dendrite and how K+ and Na+ switch places to affect the polarity of one. Which is pretty cool on its own.
My dream jobs:
1. Sex therapist
2. Carpenter
3. Interventionist
Things I still have to do:
1. reupholster my couch
2. decorate my new room
3. Lose stomach fat, apparently I can be toned every where but my stomach. WTF. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2010|08:11 am] |
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| |  artistic | ] |
oo1.
Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.
But don't forget who you really are. & I'm not talking about your so-called real name. All names are made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you're alone at night, looking up at the stars, or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you... Your muscles will toughen. So will your heart & soul. That's necessary for survival. But don't lose touch with that person deep inside you, or else you won't really have survived at all.
( Louis Sachar )
Take the first step in faith.
You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
++ Martin Luther King, Jr.
We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, & heard poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves.
I don’t know why we all hang on to something
We know we’re better off letting go. It’s
Like we’re scared to lose what we really
Don’t even have. Some of us say we’d
Rather have something than nothing at
All, but the truth is, to have it halfway
Is harder than not having it at all.
i may not be all i should be, but im more than i used to be
At some point, you've just got to jump. You've got to quit being scared of the maybe's and what-if's and just fucking jump. Quit cheating yourself out of the best thing that could ever happen to you.
live life with no regrets
because at one time it was
exactly what you wanted |
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| I think I can |
[Jan. 28th, 2010|07:00 am] |
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| |  scared | ] |
The time I decided that I could swim, I jumped off of a boat into the middle of the lake. But of course, thinking you can float and actually floating are two separate entities. I may have joked about that (I joke about everything), but the feeling of panic sunk in. My legs froze up and I started to sink. I didn't even ask for help. I couldn't stop thinking that I should have never jumped.
That's how I feel about the study aboard thing. What if I fail, what if I can't, what if I jumped in too early. What if, what if, what if.
I'm a pretty passionate individual and I consider myself one of the most bad ass people I know. Because have you seen me?! hah. Here's to hoping and doing everything for reals.
I'm the type of person who can't hold back my feelings. I think it's because my parents don't do that. I never learned to do that. So sometimes I rage and rant and become irrational beyond a point. So thank you guys for sticking next to me. I'm so glad I have friends like these.
P.s. Do ya'll have emotions that you pick often? I find myself looking at the same moods over and over again. What's the point of having 150 spencer reid faces to look at when I always see the same ones? |
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| Things I'm thankful for. |
[Jan. 26th, 2010|07:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | determined | ] |
I've never written a thank you post. EVER.
I'm thankful for my family because putting up with a daughter that has clearly no limits to how dressed or undressed she is in the house or outside the house has gotta be tiring. "Window drapes? Why would I need those?", said I as my mother explained common decency.
I'm thankful for my friends who put up with my incoherent musings, mood swings, improper grammar, and lack of common decency. I swear I make sense in my head.
I'm thankful for my credit card. You've gotten me some pretty sweet things with your devilish murmurs.
Thank you gym membership. You help me get my ass to the gym where I compete with the girl next to me on the elliptical. No, fucker I'm running faster and at a higher resistance. I'm oddly competitive about strange things. |
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